Herein contained is set down an excerpt from my private journals…er I mean Captain Alan Sloshbeard’s private journals.  Which I stole...er Found! Not mine Cause I’m not him, and I never was…have been…um.  Yours, The Pantsless Non-Pirate.

Hello journal,

Today I found myself in a right mess, there were wenches and goats and lots of rum.  There I was in the Rotted Plank Tavern, just off the coast of who knows where, when this dainty tavern wench caught my eye.  I being a man of the c...